Karyn Prowen

What are these?  What have they got to do with coaching?

Beliefs are the rules of your life, the rules you live by.  These rules may be liberating and empowering and give you permission to get your goals and live your values.  They may also be self-limiting, making goals impossible or leading you to believe you are not capable of getting them.

The dictionary definition says a belief is, “A principle accepted as true or real without proof. An opinion, a conviction”.

Anthony Robbins the personal development guru maintains that ‘the most important opinion a person will ever hold is the one that they hold about themselves’

These beliefs are the thoughts and ideas that are no longer questioned.  We accept them as the ‘truth’ and often get very attached to them.  We act as if they are true and in one sense they are self-fulfilling prophecies.  If you believe you are a likeable person you will act that way, approach people openly, be gregarious and enjoy being with people.  They will warm to you and so confirm your belief.  We think that beliefs are formed by experiences, but equally experiences are the result of beliefs.

Where do beliefs come from?

Initially our beliefs come from other people like parents, teachers, peer groups, friends, family, the media and religion.  In fact, from anyone who ever exerted, or still exerts, any influence over us.  They are formed in childhood and during adolescence.  It is very likely that those beliefs still influence your behaviour today.  If you received positive encouragement from your parents,  teachers and peers you will have the foundation of good, healthy and positive self-beliefs.

If you were subjected to criticism, ridicule or blame, either real or perceived by you as such, then your belief pattern will be more negative and disempowering.  Consider this example: a teacher or a parent makes a careless remarkto a child like, “You are clumsy, you’re always dropping things”, the child will have the seeds of clumsiness sown in their mind.  Every time the child drops something, the thought, “I am clumsy, I always drop things” will spring to mind.  The more they think of it the clumsier they become.

If the teacher of parent said, “Well done, you really tried hard” the child’s response would have been different.  It is likely that he or she would have gone on to seekfurther approval by trying out new things. They would have been encouraged to take risks and would view getting things wrong sometimes, as a natural part of the learning process.

What is the good news about beliefs?

The good news about beliefs, is that all beliefs  are learned. They can therefore be unlearned, especially if they are not helpful. When you came into the world, you had no beliefs at all about yourself, your religion, your political party, other people or the world in general.  Today you “know” a lot of things, but many things you know about yourself are simply not true.  And these are almost always self-limiting beliefs.  They stop you achieving your full potential and hold you back.

How can coaching help with your self-limiting beliefs?

Coaching can help you identify your self-limiting beliefs and then ask  questions like, “What if they were not true at all?”  “Where did these beliefs come from?”,  “What are these beliefs costing you on a daily basis?”  “What will holding these beliefs mean for you in the long term?”  “How will your life be different if you let go of these beliefs?”

Beliefs can and do change

Beliefs can and do change.  But the belief that beliefs are changeable is in itself a challenging belief to many people because they tend to think of beliefs as possessions.  People talk about ‘having’ and ‘holding’ beliefs, ‘losing’ or ‘gaining’ them.  No one wants to ‘lose’ something.  It is better to talk about ‘leavng’ or ‘outgrowing’ beliefs rather than ‘losing’ them.

And finally……

We have a personal investment in our beliefs.  When the world confirms them, then it makes sense to us, is predictable and gives us a sense of security and certainty.  We may even take a perverse pleasure in disaster, providing we have predicted it. ‘I told you so’ is a satisfying phrase, not because we wanted anything to go wrong, but because our beliefs were proved right.